Cheap101 Academic Personnel Board: Faculty Dossiers
STATUS REPORT: Fall Term Personnel Audits | REVIEWER: Board of Regents
Cheap101 holds its instructional staff to rigorous standards of financial solvency. Below is the active roster of tenured chairs alongside former staff members separated from service for reckless retail behaviors.
Tenured Faculty in Good Standing
Professor Ima B. Cheap, M.S. — Department Chair of Practical Frugality
Credentials: Master of Savings; Founder, Cheap101; 40-year veteran of bulk clearance reconnaissance.
Notable Accomplishments: Successfully stretched a $3.99 rotisserie chicken across five distinct dinners, two lunches, and a gallon of restorative chicken broth. Has never paid retail for motor oil or dryer sheets.
Current Course Load: ECON 101: Unit Price Arithmetic and CHEM 204: Vinegar and Baking Soda Reactions for Everything.
Dr. Penny Pincher, Ph.D. — Associate Professor of Coupon Stacking
Credentials: Doctorate in Strategic Rebates, Northwestern Technical Institute.
Notable Accomplishments: Walked out of a supermarket with sixteen boxes of cereal, four gallons of vinegar, and a store gift card having paid zero net dollars at checkout.
Office Hours: Tuesday mornings at 6:00 AM in the clearance bakery aisle.
Disgraced Faculty (Expelled & Stripped of Tenure)
Former Adjunct Phil “Full Price” Sterling — Terminated
Violation: Caught red-handed paying $7.45 for a single medium iced oat latte at an airport departure terminal while carrying zero personal hydration gear.
Judicial Verdict: Banned from campus grounds. Currently carrying four retail store credit cards with an average annual percentage rate of 29.99%.
Former Dean Mortimer Overpay — Dismissed with Prejudice
Violation: Authorized the campus bookstore to buy pre-sharpened pencils at $1.50 per unit when unsharpened bulk boxes were eleven cents per dozen. Claimed “the sharpening fee justified the labor.”
Current Status: Re-enrolled in remedial kindergarten math.
Recommended Course Textbooks & Faculty Toolkits
Don’t fall into the traps that cost Phil his credentials. Equip your personal desk with faculty-approved ledger systems and cash envelopes:
Curriculum Requirement:
Physical cash envelope binder organizers, refillable budget ledgers, and expense tracking notebooks prevent electronic overspending leakages.